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# 11 - Intimacy

Ferguson, Bob, Youthful Sexual Experience and Well-being; Important Conference in Rotterdam; KOINOS MAGAZINE #21 (1999/1)

Since the middle of the 1970s it has become clear that sexual abuse of children occurs on a much larger scale than people had suspected until then. The justified concern about this phenomenon, which appears to take place both in and outside the family, has led however to the general view taking root that the majority of mental disturbances among adults - if not all of them - must be explained as a consequence of youthful sexual experience, and that such experience practically always leads to serious harm later in life. Recent analyses of scientific research in this field, though, indicate that a number of these assumptions are untenable, or at the very least must be nuanced.

Gieles, Frans, "I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT"; Young people speak out about their sexual contacts with adults; Translated from the Dutch NVSH lwg JORis Newsletter.

In the past two years, nine times I came across disclosures from young people about sexual contacts that they had accepted. These contacts had taken place 3 to 20 years previously.
In all cases I know the involved adult to be principled and trustworthy, who would not force his will onto a child. In all cases I am convinced about the consensuality of the encounter and I am also mostly assured that the immediate aftermath was at least a partly positive experience.
But still, later and in retrospect, the encounters were viewed differently.

Gieles, Frans E.J., A Carefully Reconnoitering of the Limits Between Wanted and Unwanted Intimacy; Frans E.J. Gieles, PhD.; Summary of a lecture for the Flemish Association of Orthopedagogues, Gent, Belgium, 24 November 1995; Published in: tOKK, Tijdschrift voor Orthopedagogiek, Kinderpsychiatrie en Klinische Kinderpsychologie (Journal for Orthopedagogy, Child Psychiatry and Clinical Child Psychology), 22-3, September 1997 

Nowadays, much behavior is labeled as "sexual", but it is debatable if that behavior is felt or meant as sexual. Thus, I say: Do not sexualize what is not felt or meant as such. Especially sexologists do this. They observe and count behavior of children by gender and age, and they give percentages to know if certain sexual behavior is normal or not. [...]
In modern society acts are frequently labeled as sexual as they are not felt or meant as such. The rare groups that plea for more sexual freedom for youth do this. Also they who combat that idea of more freedom with ardor do this. Sexologists do it and it is bon ton among professional helpers. Public opinion also trends to separate youth and sex. The effect is that granddads and grannies, parents and teachers, as well as childcare workers for surety create great standoffishness. 

Gieles, Frans E. J., Ethics and human rights in intergenerational relationships ;  ‘First, do no harm’ ; In: Ipce newsletter E 14, October 2002

Since the mid-1990s, Ipce members have held discussions about ethics. I have listened to the members. In this article, I will summarize the salient points of several opinions I have heard. [...]
How much intimacy a contact or relationship has is in the first place a free choice for both partners. This may differ according to the individuals and the situation. There is only one general rule or principle that counts in every relationship: Do no harm.      
But there is more to say.

G. G., Radical Reconsideration of the Concept of Child Sexual Abuse; New Findings by Bauserman, Rind and Tromovitch; KOINOS MAGAZINE #20 (1998/4)

Earlier in the present volume of Koinos (issues 17 and 18) we exhaustively reported on research by the American scholars, Dr. Bruce Rind and Dr. Robert Bauserman. Recently, since joining forces with Dr. Philip Tromovitch, they have published two new scientific articles in which they provide statistical meta-analyses (research on research) regarding sexual experiences of minors with older persons. In them they test the scientific accuracy of the concept of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) and four conceptions or implications customarily associated with it. In particular, they examined the connection made between CSA experiences and psychological problems later in life. Their conclusions are startling.

Ree, Frank van, Intimate relationships between young people and adults; Are there criteria for a positive experience? KOINOS MAGAZINE #24 (1999/4)

Both sexual abuse of children and consensual love relationships between young people and adults are found in all cultures and in all periods of history. Although research statistics show otherwise, at present the notion has taken hold in many countries that a difference in age inevitably results in damaging consequences. 

Rind, B., Bauserman, R. & Tromotitch, Ph.  An Examination of Assumed Properties of Child Sexual Abuse Based on Nonclinical Samples; Paper presented to the symposium sponsored by the Paulus Kerk, Rotterdam, The Netherlands, on the 18th of December 1998.

"The results of our reviews clearly show that the assumptions of most mental health professionals, legislators, law enforcement personnel, media workers, and the lay public that sexual relations defined as CSA cause intense harm pervasively for both boys and girls are vastly exaggerated."

Rivas, Titus, Circular arguments and category errors in the rejection of voluntary intimate relationships between adults and children; By Titus Rivas, MA; 
< http://members.tripodnet.nl/kritisch/index-1.html  >

As is commonly known, many children are sexually abused. It's entirely unreasonable to deny this and anyone who does certainly is not aware of the facts, or else ill advised or even immoral. However, denying that there is a large-scale sexual abuse of children is not the same thing as denying that any kind of erotical (or platonical!) relationship between adults and children amounts to such abuse. [...] 
Unfortunately many people seem to be convinced that if you acknowledge the existence of sexual child abuse, you should therefore automatically acknowledge the non-existence of positive close platonic friendships or erotic relationships between adults and children outside the child’s own family circles.

Rivas, Titus, Possible sources of the rejection of voluntary and harmless intimate friendships between children and adults outside the child’s own family; This paper was published in Dutch in a newsletter of a work group of the Dutch Society for Sexual Reform (NVSH).

Voluntary intimate relationships between adults and children who aren’t related (nor in a setting of foster care) are still confronted by a wall of incomprehension, disgust and even hatred.
All this can be traced to conscious and subconscious ideas about such relationships. What exactly is the basis for these ideas? In this essay I want to mention several possible sources for them.

Rivas, Titus, Voluntary and harmless affectionate relationships between minors and adults outside the family; by Titus Rivas, MA (phil.), MSc (psych.). This is one of the pages of Kritisch, a series of articles written by Titus Rivas. 

For several decades now, sexologists have been conducting research into the phenomenon of voluntary "pedophile relationships". These are relationships which at least as long as they exist are experienced by the child as voluntary and in which there does not have to be any sexuality. We're talking about affectionate relationships between an adult with pedophile feelings (of erotic attraction or being in love) and a minor up to sixteen years of age.